DANIELE POL · · ENGLISH
18 — Feeling Valued: Appreciation That Makes a Difference
Practise specific appreciation at work, with your partner and towards yourself, using recognition, a daily journal and a balanced weekly review.
Read the article ↗Being noticed matters. A colleague recognising a difficult piece of work, a partner acknowledging your effort, or a moment when you give yourself credit can change how you experience the day. Appreciation becomes useful when it names something real.
In coaching, I often meet people who can list every mistake but struggle to recall what they or others have done well. We do not need to deny problems to correct that imbalance. We can look more carefully at the whole picture: what needs to change, what already works and what deserves recognition.
The same practice applies across the Empowerment Blueprint: everyday relationships, the workplace, your partnership and your own development. Start where appreciation feels hardest, and make it concrete.
1. Life: Notice What You Usually Overlook
Think of someone you find difficult. You may have good reasons for that reaction. Use the exercise to check whether frustration has become the only thing you notice.
Try the “Three Treasures” exercise. Write down three positive qualities you can honestly observe. Perhaps they keep their promises, arrive on time, care for an animal or remember other people’s birthdays. Small details count. Avoid making up a virtue simply to complete the list.
Next time you meet, keep one of those observations in mind. Notice whether your tone, posture or willingness to listen changes. You can acknowledge the quality if it feels appropriate: “You always follow through on what you promise. I appreciate that.” You do not need a performance of warmth or a flattering speech.
Observe your own attention and response. Does recognising a real quality help you enter the interaction with a more balanced view? Notice what changes in the conversation and what remains difficult.
You can appreciate a quality and still be clear about a boundary: “I value this contribution, and I need us to address what happened yesterday.”
For a week, note one specific contribution by someone you usually take for granted. What did they do? What difference did it make? If you thank them, keep the words close to the observation rather than making a judgement about their entire character.
2. Business: Recognition That Supports Honest Feedback
A review that mentions only what went wrong gives an incomplete account of someone’s work. Specific recognition helps people understand which contributions you value, while clear feedback shows what needs to improve. Both belong in a useful management conversation.
Before discussing a missed deadline, identify what you actually know about the work. You might say: “Your attention to detail was valuable in the previous project, particularly when you caught the issue before handover. This project is late, and I want us to understand the cause and agree the next date.” The praise is true and the delivery problem remains explicit.
Do not use appreciation as a formula to disguise criticism. People can recognise a compliment delivered only to soften the next sentence. Acknowledge good work in its own right, not just when you have a correction to make.
- Be specific: name the action and its effect rather than saying “great job”.
- Be timely: recognise a useful contribution while the details are still clear.
- Notice the less visible work: preventing errors, helping a colleague and handling a difficult customer all matter.
- Ask how someone prefers to receive recognition; public praise is not comfortable for everyone.
A team can practise this without turning meetings into ceremonies. Invite people to acknowledge one useful contribution they noticed from a colleague. Keep it voluntary and grounded in examples. The point is to make the work visible, not to require everyone to praise everyone else.
Appreciation also works upwards. “I value the time you make for our team and the perspective you bring. Could we discuss how to make the meeting more useful?” recognises a contribution while opening an honest conversation. Respect does not require silence about what could improve.
3. Relationships: Make Everyday Effort Visible
“You never help” may describe how you feel, but it can hide exceptions and turn a specific request into a judgement. Replace “never” and “always” with an observation you can discuss.
Hellen felt that Jack never helped at home. I asked her to carry a notebook for a week and record every helpful action, however small. She joked that a Post-it would be enough. The purpose was not to prove her complaint wrong; it was to put everyday contributions beside the responsibilities that still needed attention.
In the first week, Hellen noted Jack taking out the rubbish and loading the dishwasher, although she initially qualified the latter as “not properly”. By the second week, she had filled several Post-it notes; by the third, she needed the notebook. Jack had not suddenly become a different person. She was noticing more of what had already been happening.
You can try the same exercise. Record what your partner does and what remains unbalanced. That gives you a more accurate starting point: “I appreciated you making breakfast twice this week. I still need us to agree how we share the evening routine.”
For a repeated irritation, such as socks left on the floor, notice a genuine improvement without pretending the issue is resolved: “I saw that you moved them off the floor. I appreciate the effort. Can we agree where they should go?” This recognises the change while keeping the shared expectation clear.
For a week, express three specific appreciations a day. “Thank you for making coffee.” “I appreciated you listening when I was talking about work.” “It meant something that you checked whether I needed anything from the shop.” Choose words that fit the moment and ask which kinds of recognition your partner finds meaningful.
Preferences differ between individuals. Do not decide how someone wants to be appreciated from their gender. One person may value acknowledgement of a task; another may want you to recognise the care or intention behind it. A direct question tells you more than a general rule.
Keep appreciation alongside a fair division of work. You can value an effort and ask for a change. Notice ordinary contributions and make time for the needs that still deserve a conversation.
4. Personal Growth: Give Yourself a Balanced Review
Self-appreciation can be difficult when you dismiss every success as luck or “what anyone should do”. A balanced review keeps learning and recognition together.
The “Weekly Report” has two parts. First, choose one thing you did not handle well. Ask why improving it matters and what specific action could help next time. Limit this part to one issue so the review does not become a catalogue of faults.
Then write at least five things you did well. They need not be major achievements: speaking in a meeting, taking a walk instead of scrolling, finishing a difficult task, asking for help or handling a disagreement more calmly. Name the action rather than telling yourself you were simply “good”.
Some clients initially struggle to find five examples. The point is to practise noticing, not to manufacture praise. If you cannot find five, look at effort, choices and follow-through as well as finished outcomes.
You can acknowledge an achievement aloud, smile, stand up or share it with someone who is happy to celebrate with you. Use a gesture that feels natural. Choose a way of celebrating that helps you enjoy and remember the effort.
Try one example now: “I appreciate that I did ___ today, because ___.” Then identify the next thing you want to improve. Recognition and accountability can sit in the same sentence.
Put It Into Practice
Choose one area: colleagues, your partner, a difficult relationship or yourself. Write three specific appreciations each day for a week. At the end, review what you noticed and what conversations still need to happen.
Appreciation helps you see more of what is already there and speak about it with care. Use that fuller view to decide what you want to keep and what needs to change.
Find your next perspective.
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